Lessons of the Past

I wrote this as an essay I really needed to get off my chest about 7 months ago. Life has gone completely upwards since I wrote this. In a drastic, drastic for the amazingly better!

I feel the need to share this here as it tells the story of even how a mother who thinks she is completely clued in can be completely wrong!

Lessons

Those times in life where things come up and give you a slap in the face can sure be challenging. They can make you question everything about yourself, what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, why you’re doing it.

I have been secure in the knowledge that I am a doing the best I can as a mom. I have been here for my kids every day since they were born. Working to make a business for myself so that I could be wherever they needed me. Their father and I have a loving relationship, which made me feel confident that we were setting good examples for them in their lives.

I have struggled with my kids getting older. Even though they are still at home, I have yearned for the days when they were younger and life was so much simpler. Crafts at the kitchen table. A day at the zoo was a fun as it got. Now we face homework challenges, schedules, peers toying with their self confidence. We face the challenges of teaching lessons whenever the opportunity presents itself (not always when we are ready for them). For the most part, I have felt that we have met these challenges head on and have had success. We feel our kids are good people with a good sense of values and community service. We have always felt like our kids would make their way in the world with confidence, pride and success.

Last Friday I was faced with information that I was not prepared to hear. I found out that my son decided to buy Marijuana on the school bus and bring it to school. Honestly the moment the words reached my brain I had a nervous breakdown. I found myself pacing uncontrollably, feeling like I was in the middle of a nightmare (someone else’s nightmare, because it could not be my own).

I knew that I had one chance to deal with this situation in the right way. One chance to do the right things, say the right things, to be the parent that my son needed. I did the only thing I could think of. I called Fred Becker who works with parents in our area through the Community Parent Coalition and Parent Classes at the high school. Through talking with Fred (more than once and more than an hour or so). I learned my instincts were all wrong. I wanted to yank my kid and shake him and punish him and take every piece of freedom away from him. Through his thoughtful counsel my husband and I were able to tackle this situation and feel like we know where to go from here.

Our son had his incident on Friday. By Monday, after talking with him and we all agreed that he must make steps towards better decisions, a future full of hope and opportunity, we enrolled our son in an early intervention program here in San Diego. We signed him up for a 12 hour class that he will go to weekly and learn about the consequences of bad decisions. He went to his first class on Monday night and his second on Wednesday night. It was important to us the this be STOPPED NOW! Not later. Not if more trouble happens, NOW.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in daily life, daily challenges, daily schedules to simply not see a problem. We must have been so sure that all our decisions were in the best interest of our children that all of their decisions would also be in their best interest. But they are kids and they will make mistakes, they will do stupid things and they will need understanding, guidance, support and to hear that by making a mistake they need not be defined by that mistake. They can face the challenges of their mistake and come out on top.

It is important to learn no matter how much you love, no matter how great your child is; it is possible that they will make wrong decisions, harmful decisions, stupid mistakes. I know I honestly believed that this was not a possibility in my life. There was NO WAY my child would smoke pot. He is too loved, too smart, has too many opportunities. So there is my slap in the face.

I have learned from the people in my community, those who are my friends, those whom I respect, that this is a new beginning. How my son goes from here is the real test and that we have every reason to believe that he will rise to the occasion and move on and learn from this and be a better person for it.

As much as I hate what has happened, how it happened, I must be thankful that it did happen so that I could come to a place that is "real." I feel hopeful. I know we can handle this, he can handle this and we will all be the better for it.