Using Phrases Consistently that Represent Your Expectations and Intentions

I spend a lot of time on the road and I listen to talk radio all the time. Oprah radio has a lot of inspirational stories and "tidbits" that I pick up on and try to use in my daily life.

There was this psychologist on once who was talking about her experience in working with women. She found a fundamental ingredient missing from their lives. She indicated through working with women she learned that many of them never had the basic idea that they deserve to be happy instilled in them. Growing up somehow they never got the message "you deserve to be happy." It sounds so simple, so basic. But, it made me think. Maybe it's this whole idea about how we do for others, our kids, our husbands, our bosses.

Whether or not I bought into the whole idea, I determined was not important. What is important is that my daughter know she deserves to be happy. So, I told her - "you deserve to be happy." Not only did I tell her, but I tell her often. So much that now it's become a silly joke that we have fun with. But the phrase in ingrained in her mind. "I deserve to be happy." or "you deserve to be happy." We say it so much - she says it to me, she says it to her dad. It's fun and it now is a part of who we are.

Don't mock this. It's simple and silly and now it's a part of who we are. Though the whole thing has become fun now I feel really good about this positive message that has become a "truth" for all of us in our family, including my son.

Another example - and this one is just too much fun.

The movie "Freaky Friday" with Jamie Lee Curtis (most recent one). The mom is so busy, so torn in a thousand directions but she wants to send her kids off to school with a positive message - as her daughter jumps out of the car and runs on campus the mom yells out of the car "Make Good Choices!!!!"

I started doing that on a daily basis - literally as the door slams and my two kids are on their way out the door. They know it's from the movie. But, they also know it is my true wish for them. I did it this morning and they both yelled back "I will." Mind you my son right now is having trouble with a kid at school and got in trouble yesterday. We had this long talk about not letting this other kids control him and ruin all the positive things that are going on in his life right now. So, the simple phrase of "make good choices" applies greatly to what is going on in his life at this very moment. This phrase will always fit.

Another great thing about using these phrases regularly with the kids . . . Sometimes when I yell to my daughter "make good choices," she will yell back just before she slams the door "You deserve to be happy!" I laugh and carry on with the day from there. Having the last words spoken to me by my child a positive affirmation that life is good.

I hope that I a relaying here how amazingly simple it is to be positive and connect. If it is so simple and it is so positive . . . why not try it?

When I first heard the story on the radio, I took a moment and I asked my daughter, "do you know you deserve to be happy?" Of course she looked at me like I was crazy. I can't remember her exact response, but it was basically as if she had never really thought about it, but agreed that she knew inside that she deserved happiness. I think it was important that the words come out of my mouth to her letting her know that she deserves happiness. This way there is no question about what I want for her and and what she should want/expect for herself. The key would seem to be that she hear it often and sincerely, and even silly, if need be.

By the way, this all applies to boys as well.

So carry on and know that we ALL deserve to be happy and we all need to make good choices.