This is an important one and I have felt that this one could be taught by example and consequences for being irresponsible (natural and imposed).
I found a list of things that you can do to teach responsibility and I have held onto to it for years. I'll share it here along with my thoughts.
1. Establish family rules and make sure they are clear to everyone in the household. The consequences for breaking rules must be consistent. Examples are curfew, homework time and even friends.
2. Household chores should be assigned to our teens and we need to make sure they are done on schedule.
Now this can be a hard one when you have busy kids. I recently hired a housekeeper and literally just gave her the kids chore lists for the weekend (of course I added mine too). Be considerate of your kids time too. If you encourage sports, theater, volunteering, you should also understand that sometimes there just isn't enough time.
3. Help your teen get and stay organized with school work. - Now kids don't all naturally have organizational skills - Heck open their bedroom door (LOL). This will be easier with some then others. Some just lack the skills and need the guidance and will appreciate it. Others could care less about being organized and find it perfectly okay to search thr0ugh the backpack to find their crumpled homework.
4. Be a good role model by meeting your own obligations completely and on time. This is a personally challenging one for me because I am a last minute queen. I have the uncanny ability to do something in the 11th hour and make it look like I worked on it tirelessly. But, I am also extremely reliable and the kids father is extremely reliable. We do what we say we will do - Always!!
5. Ask for your teen's input when making family decisions. If there are problems, brainstorm for solutions. I think I just do this naturally, when we talk both my kids have no fear of sharing their ideas and my son makes darn sure everyone hears his opinion and truth be told there have been many times where I have said "that is a really great idea."
Ok there are 5 more. I will save them for another post.
The general idea here is establishment of clear expectations. I know that I have struggled with being clear and have had to pull out the "because I said so" card. That never goes over well and the whole family suffers when one of my teens is unhappy with an outcome. So, I need to learn to be more consistent with my expectations BEFORE I expect them.
Sometimes we just forget that their are many minds, many points of view in the house and not everyone thinks exactly the same way. So, if I am disappointed in someone's decision or actions, or lack of action, I honestly do try to think to myself and decide whether or not I was clear in my expectations. I have seen that I am not always clear. So, in that vain, sometimes we have to give our family members a break
Another important thing that I am working on is giving myself a break. Sometimes I beat myself up over my mistakes or lack of direction w/the kids. We all have to sit back and realize that if we truly are doing the best we can (boy that can mean a lot of different things to different people), If we truly are always acting in the best interest of the family, then let the mistakes go. Learn from them and move on. I'm working on it!
Showing posts with label homework. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homework. Show all posts
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Value of the term "Never Give Up"
Believing in your child is paramount. Your kid has enough peer pressure, difficult school assignments, and other outside influences that drag down his self esteem, that he must know at all costs that you know he can do it (it being succeed).
My son has struggled with school for valid reasons. He has a number of very small disabilities that all add up to having to work harder in order to achieve the high results that come naturally (or easier) to others.
He is an easily frustrated kid and wanted to give up many a time. Heck, he did give up many a time. We spent MANY a night with him throwing a fit over insisting he complete his homework.
I am going to go into detail here about the steps we took, but first let me say that being a parent is the full time job. It ain't easy, it ain't always fun. Sometimes I cry. But, more times I revel with pride and with joy over his accomplishments. For many years my husband and I would quietly say to one another "the world needs ditch diggers, too." All the while telling him that we know he is brilliant (and he is, and we have proof because the schools have tested the heck out of him because of his disabilities). He is smart enough to rule the world. He just has to work so much harder to prove it.
AS A NOTE: Our son is on an IEP (Individualized Education Program) due to his vision and fine motor skill disorders (dygraphia and Camptodactyly. He also has ADD.
So, here is what we did on a REGULAR basis.
1. Check the online homework hotline put out by his school to see his assignments. AND HIS MISSING ASSIGNMENTS. (He did those missing assignments whether or not he got credit for them).
2. He missed getting free time on the weekends, or whenever in order to do them. (THIS IS A FIGHT - BUT SO WHAT!!)
3. We have the email addresses of ALL his teachers. We email them to ask if there is anything we can do to support our son OR THE TEACHER. We want the teachers to know we are "involved" parents and that we insist on our son being as successful as possible.
4. We requested teacher conferences. We explain our child's disabilities so they would know his struggles. Many of them see him as so smart and such a class participant they don't realize how hard he struggles.
5. We dealt with his tantrums - his yelling at us to leave him alone. We got frustrated we got discouraged - we dealt with it!
SIDEBAR: Imagine how much easier it might be for a parent of a child who does not face physical challenges to step up to the plate and be successful.
Please understand - we have had to do these same things OVER AND OVER oh and OVER since he was in 6th grade.
Our son is now a Junior in high school. He has a 3.17 GPA and he is DOING IT ON HIS OWN. It took years and years of constant telling him that we will accept nothing less than the best he has to offer. We give our best, we expect his best.
YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!!!!
Our son has been awarded two leadership opportunities this year - BIG ONES!! He was awarded the American Legion Scholarship to the "Boys State Program" in Sacramento, CA. This is highly competitive!! The selection process states "Only boys with outstanding qualities of leadership, character, scholarship, loyalty and service to their schools and community should be considered." He will be going for an entire week with other Jr. boys to learn about government. I could go on and on about this program - but I won't - but the opportunities that will arise out of this camp will be immeasurable.
He also was awarded a camp leadership training position for the YMCA camp program. 3 weeks of mentoring and learning and growing!! This also will be an amazing opportunity for him.
I have seen too many parents who just give and give and then just GIVE UP!!
We never gave up. We never will! He is too important. His future means EVERYTHING to us.
If we still had to fight the fight . . . WE WOULD. He deserves it. He is our child.
I used to say over and over in my head "someday this will all kick in . . . someday he will get it" Well . . . Someday has arrived ! It will arrive for you too. Please don't give up!
My son has struggled with school for valid reasons. He has a number of very small disabilities that all add up to having to work harder in order to achieve the high results that come naturally (or easier) to others.
He is an easily frustrated kid and wanted to give up many a time. Heck, he did give up many a time. We spent MANY a night with him throwing a fit over insisting he complete his homework.
I am going to go into detail here about the steps we took, but first let me say that being a parent is the full time job. It ain't easy, it ain't always fun. Sometimes I cry. But, more times I revel with pride and with joy over his accomplishments. For many years my husband and I would quietly say to one another "the world needs ditch diggers, too." All the while telling him that we know he is brilliant (and he is, and we have proof because the schools have tested the heck out of him because of his disabilities). He is smart enough to rule the world. He just has to work so much harder to prove it.
AS A NOTE: Our son is on an IEP (Individualized Education Program) due to his vision and fine motor skill disorders (dygraphia and Camptodactyly. He also has ADD.
So, here is what we did on a REGULAR basis.
1. Check the online homework hotline put out by his school to see his assignments. AND HIS MISSING ASSIGNMENTS. (He did those missing assignments whether or not he got credit for them).
2. He missed getting free time on the weekends, or whenever in order to do them. (THIS IS A FIGHT - BUT SO WHAT!!)
3. We have the email addresses of ALL his teachers. We email them to ask if there is anything we can do to support our son OR THE TEACHER. We want the teachers to know we are "involved" parents and that we insist on our son being as successful as possible.
4. We requested teacher conferences. We explain our child's disabilities so they would know his struggles. Many of them see him as so smart and such a class participant they don't realize how hard he struggles.
5. We dealt with his tantrums - his yelling at us to leave him alone. We got frustrated we got discouraged - we dealt with it!
SIDEBAR: Imagine how much easier it might be for a parent of a child who does not face physical challenges to step up to the plate and be successful.
Please understand - we have had to do these same things OVER AND OVER oh and OVER since he was in 6th grade.
Our son is now a Junior in high school. He has a 3.17 GPA and he is DOING IT ON HIS OWN. It took years and years of constant telling him that we will accept nothing less than the best he has to offer. We give our best, we expect his best.
YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!!!!
Our son has been awarded two leadership opportunities this year - BIG ONES!! He was awarded the American Legion Scholarship to the "Boys State Program" in Sacramento, CA. This is highly competitive!! The selection process states "Only boys with outstanding qualities of leadership, character, scholarship, loyalty and service to their schools and community should be considered." He will be going for an entire week with other Jr. boys to learn about government. I could go on and on about this program - but I won't - but the opportunities that will arise out of this camp will be immeasurable.
He also was awarded a camp leadership training position for the YMCA camp program. 3 weeks of mentoring and learning and growing!! This also will be an amazing opportunity for him.
I have seen too many parents who just give and give and then just GIVE UP!!
We never gave up. We never will! He is too important. His future means EVERYTHING to us.
If we still had to fight the fight . . . WE WOULD. He deserves it. He is our child.
I used to say over and over in my head "someday this will all kick in . . . someday he will get it" Well . . . Someday has arrived ! It will arrive for you too. Please don't give up!
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