Continuing on from the card with a list for parents that I had found and have held onto for years. I will comment on my take/experience with my efforts to implement these suggestions.
6. Provide your teen with ways to earn, save and manage money.
The toughest part of this one for me is the saving. Who I am kidding, I don't make them save and I know that I should. My son had a short summer job last year and when he got his first paycheck all he wanted to do was buy a weight set. Now the cool thing here is that we have shown our kids the value of a second hand purchase. He was thrilled to go on craigslist shop around, and purchase the one he wanted. He even made all the phone calls to inquire about the sets he was interested in. He spent every dime of his paycheck on the set he wanted. The great thing is, nearly a year later he still uses it (unlike most exercise equipment).
Also on managing money - my freshman daughter is in charge of decorations at the upcoming dance at school (it's tonight). She had a meager budget of $100. Luckily it's a luau theme and oriental trading company had sent a catalog with a ton of stuff. Anyway, I was so proud of her, she went through the catalog, picked out everything and even looked up the shipping charges. She went online and entered all the items and I even gave her my credit card and she entered everything. Her total was $100.82. I was very impressed. I didn't even check the items to make sure they were appropriate. I left it to her and told her that I had complete confidence in her. When the items arrived she went through the entire order and checked it against the invoice to make sure she got everything. It was fun to watch. My daughter is a YOUNG freshman. I started her in kindergarten at 4. So, she is almost a full year younger than her friends/classmates. So, for 14 years old, I am proud of her handling of the whole thing. Now, I was at Walmart the other night and they had a whole wall of luau stuff so I bought her some more stuff to add to it as a little surprise. She was thrilled. I am sure the dance will be fun.
7. Allow your teen to make personal choices in certain areas. These can include dress and extracurricular activities-- anything that doesn't put your teen in danger.
Dress! Dress! I have two words that drive me and many other mother's crazy "saggy pants." They drive me crazy and they especially drive my husband crazy. He just gets so irritated by them. Hell, my son even sags his pajamas! What is up with that?
I have to remind them on the dress code. It's easier to blame the school and take it off of yourself - they can't argue with that one - though they will try. There are a couple of sexy tops I refuse to let her wear to school and when she picks them out at the store I'll tell her first thing - if you buy that: 1. You're taking money out of what we budgeted to spend today and 2. YOU CAN'T WEAR IT TO SCHOOL! If she likes it enough she'll buy it, if not then she'll put it back and sigh heavily at the unfairness of the world.
Both of my kids are heavy into extracurricular activities and we support that heavily. It's a crazy life, but then again most parents already know all about that. I will say that due to circumstances at school, the cheerleading coach was let go and I got a call from the principal and was asked to be the "cheer advisor," since my son is a cheerleader, I of course accepted and let me tell you I have had the time of my life! It's too much fun and I get all this extra time with my kid and get to know his friends. I love it and am planning cheer tryouts for the end of this month for next year!
8. Help your teen consider consequences of every action. Provide facts when appropriate on such issues as using tobacco or taking unwise risks.
I have already talked A LOT about this in my blog - Please read other posts for many many of the challenges I have faced in this area.
I do have another story though (don't I always?) I smoke, my husband just quit. Our son unbeknown to us started smoking. Apparently for a while. We caught him and were both at a loss as to what to do. I knew it was the one thing I could not do anything about. Because no one could have stopped me, I started at 17 years old. My mom begged and pleaded. Though, I was heartbroken, I really thought that there was no way I could change it. I said everything I could think of to stop him. But, I knew none of it worked. I saw texts on his phone that referred to him smoking even though he told me he would not.
I realized he was taking MY CIGARETTES! that really made me mad. I told him if he was gonna smoke he was gonna have to find a way to pay for it. I hid my smokes every night. Sometimes so well that I could not find them, it was quite irritating.
So, I got a call from a friend of mine who is also the mother of a VERY good friend of my son. Her son had told her that we knew our son smoked and we were fine with it as long as he paid for them - OMG NOT TRUE!! We were just at a loss. She had told her son that maybe he should not hang out with our son if he was going to do adult things and wanted to be an adult (her and her hubby also smoke). This REALLY upset my son because her son is one of his best friends. I told her of all my verbal efforts and how saddened I was over him smoking. She was pretty adamant that I couldn't give up. She told me to take away allowing him to be out of my sight. Well, for me that was not possible, he has sports and activities and I guess I was just not willing to take that away from him.
THEN AN EPIPHANY!! Track season was just around the corner and he wanted some supplies. All of a sudden it occurred to me. So, I did not put on my "mom, no you can't hat." I put on my "now let's be reasonable hat." I said something to the effect of "You know, it would be really stupid for you to do track this year . . . that's just dumb. Smokers can't to do track. It's a contradiction. So, I am going to have to say, that I can't put in all the effort of track (shoes, time driving to and from practice, etc etc) when you obviously don't even care about the sport - you are smoking. C'mon that's just stupid!!" I left him alone with that thought. He kept asking me if I was serious and I would just say something like - "of course, you have to realize how it would be stupid, and I am not going to put in any effort for something so stupid, you obviously don't take the sport seriously, why should I?" Somehow that did it!!! He realized he had a choice between smokes and track. He loves track, he loves his coaches, he loves the whole experience and wasn't willing to give it up.
So, for now that battle has been won. As a smoker myself, I am sure this will be something we will have to address again. Though he just turned 17 last week, so my influence is only good for so long. However, I just realized he'll have college expenses that I can bargain with. For goodness sakes the kid is planning on being a firefighter/paramedic - smoking would be a ridiculous choice. I wish myself luck on this one! But, it's important enough to us that we'll keep drudging along finding ways to help him make good choices.
Wow that was a long one!!
I'll save 8 and 9 for another post.
Showing posts with label teen responsibility.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teen responsibility.. Show all posts
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Reminding them of THEIR Goals!
As I have stated here before my son has ADD. He's a great kid and the ADD really seems to mess with his patience. He seems to get angrier easily when he is off meds. Though he has gone the weekend w/o it, or forgotten to take it on occasion.
A series of events have taken place over the last couple of weeks (a bit less) that have given opportunity to learn lessons.
My son is sorta at the top of his game right now, good grades, won a few awards and leadership opportunities, doing well socially. So, about 4-5 days ago, he told me he wanted to try going off of his medication over the summer. I reminded him that he has A LOT going on this summer, Fire Academy, 3 weeks of leadership camp and another week at a leadership conference. I told him that things are going so well for him and that it's ok to be on medication if that is what he needs. I told him there is a chemical imbalance, it's not his fault, nor does it reflect poorly on "who he is as a person." So we agreed that he could give it a shot while at home over the summer, but it wouldn't be wise to change what is working while he is engaging in important activities for his future. He agreed.
So, yesterday he turned 17 years old - Yay! I made the fatal mistake of allowing him to have a friend spend the night on a school night.
Today I got a call from school. His math teacher/asst. principal had emailed the receptionist that my son was being very disrespectful and disruptive in class. She felt as though she could handle him, but saw the makings of a very bad day for him. Upon talking to him, she learned he did not take his medication today. So, they were calling to see if I wanted to bring his meds to him.
I thought about it and decided that it would be better for me to talk to him instead. So, they had him call me between classes. When I talked to him, I was calm, not angry at all. I decided to remind him of his goals. I also took the opportunity to remind him that he has a direct affect on other people's day. How he treats his teachers can directly effect what kind of day they were having and that was a responsibility he should take seriously.
I reminded him that he has spoken to me about the kind of person he wants to be (a leader, a scholar). I asked him if he felt his behavior was in line with his goals? I also reminded him of his desire to be off medication. I told him I could not take that request seriously if he could not take his responsibility to be a person others enjoy being around seriously. I reminded him of other requests he had made, and how I could not consider them if he were in this way while at school.
I told him I did not think he wanted to be the kind of kids whose mom had to run to school and give him medication so that he could be liked by those around him. I told him I would bring his medication but asked him if this was really what he wanted, or if he wanted to take a deep breath and think about acting in a way that is in line with his goals. If he was in 8th grade, I told him, I would be up there already. But, as a 17 year old boy making choices for himself, it did not seem like the right thing to do.
He decided to make the day better from that moment forward. We both agreed he would go and apologize to his teacher and move on with the day from there.
I spoke to him after school, before practice, he said the day did get better.
I understand the fact that he is 17 makes this scenario what it is. As I mentioned earlier, were he in 8th grade, I would have driven to school immediately to dispense his meds.
So, I am proud of both of us. I made the decision to not scold him and he made the decision to behave in line with his ultimate goals.
Score one for us!!!
A series of events have taken place over the last couple of weeks (a bit less) that have given opportunity to learn lessons.
My son is sorta at the top of his game right now, good grades, won a few awards and leadership opportunities, doing well socially. So, about 4-5 days ago, he told me he wanted to try going off of his medication over the summer. I reminded him that he has A LOT going on this summer, Fire Academy, 3 weeks of leadership camp and another week at a leadership conference. I told him that things are going so well for him and that it's ok to be on medication if that is what he needs. I told him there is a chemical imbalance, it's not his fault, nor does it reflect poorly on "who he is as a person." So we agreed that he could give it a shot while at home over the summer, but it wouldn't be wise to change what is working while he is engaging in important activities for his future. He agreed.
So, yesterday he turned 17 years old - Yay! I made the fatal mistake of allowing him to have a friend spend the night on a school night.
Today I got a call from school. His math teacher/asst. principal had emailed the receptionist that my son was being very disrespectful and disruptive in class. She felt as though she could handle him, but saw the makings of a very bad day for him. Upon talking to him, she learned he did not take his medication today. So, they were calling to see if I wanted to bring his meds to him.
I thought about it and decided that it would be better for me to talk to him instead. So, they had him call me between classes. When I talked to him, I was calm, not angry at all. I decided to remind him of his goals. I also took the opportunity to remind him that he has a direct affect on other people's day. How he treats his teachers can directly effect what kind of day they were having and that was a responsibility he should take seriously.
I reminded him that he has spoken to me about the kind of person he wants to be (a leader, a scholar). I asked him if he felt his behavior was in line with his goals? I also reminded him of his desire to be off medication. I told him I could not take that request seriously if he could not take his responsibility to be a person others enjoy being around seriously. I reminded him of other requests he had made, and how I could not consider them if he were in this way while at school.
I told him I did not think he wanted to be the kind of kids whose mom had to run to school and give him medication so that he could be liked by those around him. I told him I would bring his medication but asked him if this was really what he wanted, or if he wanted to take a deep breath and think about acting in a way that is in line with his goals. If he was in 8th grade, I told him, I would be up there already. But, as a 17 year old boy making choices for himself, it did not seem like the right thing to do.
He decided to make the day better from that moment forward. We both agreed he would go and apologize to his teacher and move on with the day from there.
I spoke to him after school, before practice, he said the day did get better.
I understand the fact that he is 17 makes this scenario what it is. As I mentioned earlier, were he in 8th grade, I would have driven to school immediately to dispense his meds.
So, I am proud of both of us. I made the decision to not scold him and he made the decision to behave in line with his ultimate goals.
Score one for us!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Teaching Responsbility (Part 1)
This is an important one and I have felt that this one could be taught by example and consequences for being irresponsible (natural and imposed).
I found a list of things that you can do to teach responsibility and I have held onto to it for years. I'll share it here along with my thoughts.
1. Establish family rules and make sure they are clear to everyone in the household. The consequences for breaking rules must be consistent. Examples are curfew, homework time and even friends.
2. Household chores should be assigned to our teens and we need to make sure they are done on schedule.
Now this can be a hard one when you have busy kids. I recently hired a housekeeper and literally just gave her the kids chore lists for the weekend (of course I added mine too). Be considerate of your kids time too. If you encourage sports, theater, volunteering, you should also understand that sometimes there just isn't enough time.
3. Help your teen get and stay organized with school work. - Now kids don't all naturally have organizational skills - Heck open their bedroom door (LOL). This will be easier with some then others. Some just lack the skills and need the guidance and will appreciate it. Others could care less about being organized and find it perfectly okay to search thr0ugh the backpack to find their crumpled homework.
4. Be a good role model by meeting your own obligations completely and on time. This is a personally challenging one for me because I am a last minute queen. I have the uncanny ability to do something in the 11th hour and make it look like I worked on it tirelessly. But, I am also extremely reliable and the kids father is extremely reliable. We do what we say we will do - Always!!
5. Ask for your teen's input when making family decisions. If there are problems, brainstorm for solutions. I think I just do this naturally, when we talk both my kids have no fear of sharing their ideas and my son makes darn sure everyone hears his opinion and truth be told there have been many times where I have said "that is a really great idea."
Ok there are 5 more. I will save them for another post.
The general idea here is establishment of clear expectations. I know that I have struggled with being clear and have had to pull out the "because I said so" card. That never goes over well and the whole family suffers when one of my teens is unhappy with an outcome. So, I need to learn to be more consistent with my expectations BEFORE I expect them.
Sometimes we just forget that their are many minds, many points of view in the house and not everyone thinks exactly the same way. So, if I am disappointed in someone's decision or actions, or lack of action, I honestly do try to think to myself and decide whether or not I was clear in my expectations. I have seen that I am not always clear. So, in that vain, sometimes we have to give our family members a break
Another important thing that I am working on is giving myself a break. Sometimes I beat myself up over my mistakes or lack of direction w/the kids. We all have to sit back and realize that if we truly are doing the best we can (boy that can mean a lot of different things to different people), If we truly are always acting in the best interest of the family, then let the mistakes go. Learn from them and move on. I'm working on it!
I found a list of things that you can do to teach responsibility and I have held onto to it for years. I'll share it here along with my thoughts.
1. Establish family rules and make sure they are clear to everyone in the household. The consequences for breaking rules must be consistent. Examples are curfew, homework time and even friends.
2. Household chores should be assigned to our teens and we need to make sure they are done on schedule.
Now this can be a hard one when you have busy kids. I recently hired a housekeeper and literally just gave her the kids chore lists for the weekend (of course I added mine too). Be considerate of your kids time too. If you encourage sports, theater, volunteering, you should also understand that sometimes there just isn't enough time.
3. Help your teen get and stay organized with school work. - Now kids don't all naturally have organizational skills - Heck open their bedroom door (LOL). This will be easier with some then others. Some just lack the skills and need the guidance and will appreciate it. Others could care less about being organized and find it perfectly okay to search thr0ugh the backpack to find their crumpled homework.
4. Be a good role model by meeting your own obligations completely and on time. This is a personally challenging one for me because I am a last minute queen. I have the uncanny ability to do something in the 11th hour and make it look like I worked on it tirelessly. But, I am also extremely reliable and the kids father is extremely reliable. We do what we say we will do - Always!!
5. Ask for your teen's input when making family decisions. If there are problems, brainstorm for solutions. I think I just do this naturally, when we talk both my kids have no fear of sharing their ideas and my son makes darn sure everyone hears his opinion and truth be told there have been many times where I have said "that is a really great idea."
Ok there are 5 more. I will save them for another post.
The general idea here is establishment of clear expectations. I know that I have struggled with being clear and have had to pull out the "because I said so" card. That never goes over well and the whole family suffers when one of my teens is unhappy with an outcome. So, I need to learn to be more consistent with my expectations BEFORE I expect them.
Sometimes we just forget that their are many minds, many points of view in the house and not everyone thinks exactly the same way. So, if I am disappointed in someone's decision or actions, or lack of action, I honestly do try to think to myself and decide whether or not I was clear in my expectations. I have seen that I am not always clear. So, in that vain, sometimes we have to give our family members a break
Another important thing that I am working on is giving myself a break. Sometimes I beat myself up over my mistakes or lack of direction w/the kids. We all have to sit back and realize that if we truly are doing the best we can (boy that can mean a lot of different things to different people), If we truly are always acting in the best interest of the family, then let the mistakes go. Learn from them and move on. I'm working on it!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Teen Driving - Help me out here folks!!
Ok, I live in a really small town and we are near nothing. I am a FREAK about letting my kids drive with teenagers (this includes up to 19). My son last year got invited to go to the mall with a girl friend (just a friend) of his. The older sister (18) was driving. This was SOOO hard for me to decide whether or not to let him go. Now mind you the mall is no less than an hour away (1hr 20, the way I drive), through windy mountain roads for a great portion of it.
So, I let him go. Then the weather turned. He got there safely, he called and checked in. I casually asked my husband to take me to mall to get him and drive him home. I couldn't bear the thought of him driving home with a teen in the dense fog. He was not mad or humiliated. I waited till they were done doing their thing. She is a super nice girl and didn't give him any guff about it.
Now remember - I live in an EXTREMELY small town (one gas station and one stop sign - ok 2, if you count the one coming into town off the two lane death highway (LOL). So, I am at the gas station and I am inside. Outside I see a car pull up and it has a couple of teens in it. The one driving I THINK is not allowed to drive with other teens yet. So, I see my son, walking up to the gas station - HE DOES NOT SEE ME. He talks to the kids in the car 0pens the back door and is about to get into the car. The kid in the front passenger seat, apparently told him that I was in the store (he obviously saw me). My son backs out of the door of the SUV and casually walks into the store. Hey Mama, can I go to (wherever) with "so and so?" I asked him if the kid was allowed to drive with teens (KNOWING HE IS NOT) and so my son goes out and asks him - he of course, says no. My son proceeds back into the store tells me "no," but wants to go with him anyway. A small argument occurs (of course the checker is a friend of mine, we know everyone in town). She and I discussed had I not been in the store, my 16 year old kid would have gotten into the SUV with 2 other teens, one of which who had his license like 3 months and drove off.
It scares the hell out me. You can't be with them every minute. He has track practice, or play practice or cheer practice. You just can't be with them every moment.
Now he has a friend who drives around all over. He's a responsible kid, who has had his license long enough to drive with others. I have given my son permission to drive with him. Now, they go no more than 5 miles (or less) to the deli, the taco shop, a friend's house. No biggie and it feels right.
Yesterday he let it slip that he was looking for a ride to the school baseball game (which is played at a park less than 2miles from the school). He told me he couldn't get a hold of the friend he has permission to drive with so he was going to go with a girl friend (friend). But as she pulled up to give him a ride, so did the other person. So, once again he was going to get into the car of someone whom he is not allowed to drive with.
He has had multiple eye surgeries and really isn't ready for a license yet (vision almost there). Plus he can be very impulsive - so I really don't care if he gets a license. I am in NO HURRY. He was just talking about getting his permit (which honestly, I don't know if he'd pass the eye test, but depending on the day, he might (his vision can fluctuate right now). But after these incidents, I really feel like he does not take the whole responsibility of driving seriously. If he is willing to break the rules - then he is not mature enough for me to even consider letting him drive, right???
Since his friends are just now entering the driving age - this is a new issue for me. As it is now, all the parents just take turns driving the kids "down the hill." to different events/activities.
What are you doing to ensure your kids follow the rules of driving? What have you said to SHOCK them back into reality?
Seriously, I'm nervous and I am - well, I am nervous.
So, I let him go. Then the weather turned. He got there safely, he called and checked in. I casually asked my husband to take me to mall to get him and drive him home. I couldn't bear the thought of him driving home with a teen in the dense fog. He was not mad or humiliated. I waited till they were done doing their thing. She is a super nice girl and didn't give him any guff about it.
Now remember - I live in an EXTREMELY small town (one gas station and one stop sign - ok 2, if you count the one coming into town off the two lane death highway (LOL). So, I am at the gas station and I am inside. Outside I see a car pull up and it has a couple of teens in it. The one driving I THINK is not allowed to drive with other teens yet. So, I see my son, walking up to the gas station - HE DOES NOT SEE ME. He talks to the kids in the car 0pens the back door and is about to get into the car. The kid in the front passenger seat, apparently told him that I was in the store (he obviously saw me). My son backs out of the door of the SUV and casually walks into the store. Hey Mama, can I go to (wherever) with "so and so?" I asked him if the kid was allowed to drive with teens (KNOWING HE IS NOT) and so my son goes out and asks him - he of course, says no. My son proceeds back into the store tells me "no," but wants to go with him anyway. A small argument occurs (of course the checker is a friend of mine, we know everyone in town). She and I discussed had I not been in the store, my 16 year old kid would have gotten into the SUV with 2 other teens, one of which who had his license like 3 months and drove off.
It scares the hell out me. You can't be with them every minute. He has track practice, or play practice or cheer practice. You just can't be with them every moment.
Now he has a friend who drives around all over. He's a responsible kid, who has had his license long enough to drive with others. I have given my son permission to drive with him. Now, they go no more than 5 miles (or less) to the deli, the taco shop, a friend's house. No biggie and it feels right.
Yesterday he let it slip that he was looking for a ride to the school baseball game (which is played at a park less than 2miles from the school). He told me he couldn't get a hold of the friend he has permission to drive with so he was going to go with a girl friend (friend). But as she pulled up to give him a ride, so did the other person. So, once again he was going to get into the car of someone whom he is not allowed to drive with.
He has had multiple eye surgeries and really isn't ready for a license yet (vision almost there). Plus he can be very impulsive - so I really don't care if he gets a license. I am in NO HURRY. He was just talking about getting his permit (which honestly, I don't know if he'd pass the eye test, but depending on the day, he might (his vision can fluctuate right now). But after these incidents, I really feel like he does not take the whole responsibility of driving seriously. If he is willing to break the rules - then he is not mature enough for me to even consider letting him drive, right???
Since his friends are just now entering the driving age - this is a new issue for me. As it is now, all the parents just take turns driving the kids "down the hill." to different events/activities.
What are you doing to ensure your kids follow the rules of driving? What have you said to SHOCK them back into reality?
Seriously, I'm nervous and I am - well, I am nervous.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Using Technology to Boost the Connection
Both of my kids have cell phones with texting (don't they all). I for no reason at all will send my kids texts to let them know I am thinking of them. BAD BAD MOM texts them while they are at school. I have their phone numbers programmed into my email contacts so I text them right out of the computer.
Usually I am up and about while the kids get ready for school. Actually I drag them out of bed. But, this particular morning I was exhausted, laid down in my daughter's bed and slept the whole time they were getting ready. I got up just as they were leaving.
I immediately texted them
I am sorry I was not awake. I miss seeing you guys. I love U both VERY much. Have a great day!!
Here are their replies
"I love u soo much too i miss see u too..Have a good day" - from the more long-winded girl (14)
"I love you too" - from the "too cool for school" boy (17)
Sent to and from my email for me to cherish and read as many times as I need during my day to remind me who I am! Yes, I am a sentimental fool!
I am also on Facebook and I have a myspace. I don't go onto myspace very often. But, I am on Facebook all the time!! I am "friends" with my kids on Facebook.
My son recently posted on Facebook (from school I might add - darn ipod w/wireless internet)
Chemistry is craZy hard
My comment to his post reads . . .
Yeah, that may be true. But, you are craZy Brilliant!
So, it's simple but we are in touch. I know what's going on in his head and he knows I know and he knows I am here to support him. I swear that kid never feels alone. He knows I am all about him!
Just being there seems to be the reason we are who we are as a family.
I may be a bit "over involved," but it sure beats the heck out of the alternative. Plus my kids (and I am sure your kids would to) surely let me know when I am over stepping. GOD FORBID I dance to a song playing at a store in the mall. That nearly caused a mutiny!
Usually I am up and about while the kids get ready for school. Actually I drag them out of bed. But, this particular morning I was exhausted, laid down in my daughter's bed and slept the whole time they were getting ready. I got up just as they were leaving.
I immediately texted them
I am sorry I was not awake. I miss seeing you guys. I love U both VERY much. Have a great day!!
Here are their replies
"I love u soo much too i miss see u too..Have a good day" - from the more long-winded girl (14)
"I love you too" - from the "too cool for school" boy (17)
Sent to and from my email for me to cherish and read as many times as I need during my day to remind me who I am! Yes, I am a sentimental fool!
I am also on Facebook and I have a myspace. I don't go onto myspace very often. But, I am on Facebook all the time!! I am "friends" with my kids on Facebook.
My son recently posted on Facebook (from school I might add - darn ipod w/wireless internet)
Chemistry is craZy hard
My comment to his post reads . . .
Yeah, that may be true. But, you are craZy Brilliant!
So, it's simple but we are in touch. I know what's going on in his head and he knows I know and he knows I am here to support him. I swear that kid never feels alone. He knows I am all about him!
Just being there seems to be the reason we are who we are as a family.
I may be a bit "over involved," but it sure beats the heck out of the alternative. Plus my kids (and I am sure your kids would to) surely let me know when I am over stepping. GOD FORBID I dance to a song playing at a store in the mall. That nearly caused a mutiny!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Positive Action Recognition
I joined with a group of parents at our kids high school to form a "Community Parent Coalition." We are a group of parents who simply want a positive environment for our kids and our community. Through meetings and brain-storming sessions, I worked with the group to create the PAR Program at our school (http://www.juliancpc.org). The program is all about recognizing kids when they make positive choices, be they great or small.
Teachers fill out PAR Cards that I created and then I collect them and make posters and hang them up in the hallway at school. The kids get to see what they are recognized for. It's the hope that other kids will work to be on the next poster and that the kids that see themselves up there will continue to make good choices.
So the program has been growing and the teachers are getting on board. I have to remind them frequently via email or posters in the staff room.
I was so thrilled with the program I came up with that I realized that it does not have to only be at school. I decided to implement the PAR program at home too. This way the kids could see each day the things that they do that make us proud. I made a poster and it hangs in my kitchen. I use a different color for each child so they can see their cards right away.
They are simple things that they do that I want to recognize them for. AND GUESS WHAT? Their friends come over and LOVE IT. I don't point it out. But, let me tell you, I have been in the living room and watched a girlfriend of my daughter just read each one individually with great interest.
I also stood one afternoon in the kitchen while my son and his friend were at the kitchen Island. His friend asked what it was, my son told him and he actually said "I wish my parents would do that." It felt great to hear this 16 year old boy say that!
It is simple - it costs almost nothing and my kids see it, feel special and are reminded daily that we are proud of them.
This is a beautiful, simple, constant way to connect with your kids on a positive level. They know you took the time to recognize their efforts!
So, pick up a poster board at walmart, pick up some post it notes and start recognizing your kids.
Positive recognition - inspires more positive behavior!
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