Reminding them of THEIR Goals!

As I have stated here before my son has ADD. He's a great kid and the ADD really seems to mess with his patience. He seems to get angrier easily when he is off meds. Though he has gone the weekend w/o it, or forgotten to take it on occasion.

A series of events have taken place over the last couple of weeks (a bit less) that have given opportunity to learn lessons.

My son is sorta at the top of his game right now, good grades, won a few awards and leadership opportunities, doing well socially. So, about 4-5 days ago, he told me he wanted to try going off of his medication over the summer. I reminded him that he has A LOT going on this summer, Fire Academy, 3 weeks of leadership camp and another week at a leadership conference. I told him that things are going so well for him and that it's ok to be on medication if that is what he needs. I told him there is a chemical imbalance, it's not his fault, nor does it reflect poorly on "who he is as a person." So we agreed that he could give it a shot while at home over the summer, but it wouldn't be wise to change what is working while he is engaging in important activities for his future. He agreed.

So, yesterday he turned 17 years old - Yay! I made the fatal mistake of allowing him to have a friend spend the night on a school night.

Today I got a call from school. His math teacher/asst. principal had emailed the receptionist that my son was being very disrespectful and disruptive in class. She felt as though she could handle him, but saw the makings of a very bad day for him. Upon talking to him, she learned he did not take his medication today. So, they were calling to see if I wanted to bring his meds to him.

I thought about it and decided that it would be better for me to talk to him instead. So, they had him call me between classes. When I talked to him, I was calm, not angry at all. I decided to remind him of his goals. I also took the opportunity to remind him that he has a direct affect on other people's day. How he treats his teachers can directly effect what kind of day they were having and that was a responsibility he should take seriously.

I reminded him that he has spoken to me about the kind of person he wants to be (a leader, a scholar). I asked him if he felt his behavior was in line with his goals? I also reminded him of his desire to be off medication. I told him I could not take that request seriously if he could not take his responsibility to be a person others enjoy being around seriously. I reminded him of other requests he had made, and how I could not consider them if he were in this way while at school.

I told him I did not think he wanted to be the kind of kids whose mom had to run to school and give him medication so that he could be liked by those around him. I told him I would bring his medication but asked him if this was really what he wanted, or if he wanted to take a deep breath and think about acting in a way that is in line with his goals. If he was in 8th grade, I told him, I would be up there already. But, as a 17 year old boy making choices for himself, it did not seem like the right thing to do.

He decided to make the day better from that moment forward. We both agreed he would go and apologize to his teacher and move on with the day from there.

I spoke to him after school, before practice, he said the day did get better.

I understand the fact that he is 17 makes this scenario what it is. As I mentioned earlier, were he in 8th grade, I would have driven to school immediately to dispense his meds.

So, I am proud of both of us. I made the decision to not scold him and he made the decision to behave in line with his ultimate goals.

Score one for us!!!

Reminding Kids When They are Fortunate

Our Family has it pretty good. I work from home for the most part. We don't miss softball games or track meets or plays, or parent day or anything else. When the boy wanted special shoes for high jumping and then another pair for the shotput and the discus and yet another pair for general training (totaling a ridiculous amount that I refuse to admit here), he got them. Her softball jersey was $132 - Holy COW! When they want itunes, they get them, they both own the ipod touch and though he thinks he cell phone sucks - they both have high end cell phones.

Yesterday, we walked out of Walmart having dropped $281 on a bunch of "stuff," many groceries included. This was just the first stop on a day that would burn a hole in my ATM card. I thought it was a good time to remind my daughter how lucky she is. Now the preaching of "you don't know how good you've got it" would only serve to turn her off. So, I just started out by saying "you know with all the stuff that is going on in the economy I feel so lucky that I can just walk into the store and buy whatever I want without having to really worry about it." I continued with "obviously I have to worry about it, but not to the degree that so many others are facing." I continued on with how lucky I felt about how well "dad" takes care of us. She seemed to identify with what I was saying and agreed. So, instead of preaching to her(which I save for when I angry with her, like I was today for not doing her chores in a timely manner), I was able to share a true sentiment with her about how lucky our family is and how lucky she is to be living a life that affords her luxuries and vacations and family time, too.

Each one of us has something that makes our family lucky! By taking the lecture out of it, you get a chance to express yourself to your child without preaching to them. I just feel good about the way the conversation went. Most of the time I do, though. I really enjoy my daughter's company, I really like her and she knows it!!

Oh, I also sometimes will just say to myself while the kids are in the kitchen helping me put away groceries how lucky I feel to have stocked cabinets and that our family will have all we need for the week. I don't say it to anyone in particular, I just say it to myself and carry on.