Frustration is setting in!!!

I try so hard to communicate in a real way with my kids. I try to take "gems" I have learned and pass them along. I try to take good advice and use it. Dr. Phil once said a long time ago something about how we should teach our kids our expectations by using our identity. Meaning when the kids do something outside of what the family stands for we say " The Smiths don't do that." Or, when saying something positive about our family . "The Smiths help their community." Helping the kids to identify with who we are as a family, what kind of behavior we expect and how we interact with the world.

I am proud of my kids and I am proud of my family. We do a lot of volunteering, we do a lot of good for our community. The kids are reminded constantly on how to be an exceptional person.

I am not thrilled with the way my kids get along with each other. It's a constant struggle to get them to be kind to one another on a regular basis.

So, yesterday my daughter gets mad at my son at school, starts doing her teenage drama queen routine, crying, etc. etc. While friends try to make her feel better - he walks by and she calls him an obscene name and then he retaliates and it starts a big ol' yelling match out in front of the school. Some kid jumps in and wants to start a fight with my son and it just progresses into a scene that is not a representation of who I want my family to be.

I have had the talks about family and sticking together and the talks about making a big old scene and acting like an ass. I guess the conversations have to be constant and reminders must be made.

Listen, if we don't support each other who will? Who will be there for you if not your family? Who you gonna call?

Respect each other, stick together and if you can't get along then for gosh sakes just leave each other ALONE!! So, it seems I suffer from a common problem of siblings fighting. It's just magnified in a small town where too many people get involved.

I need to calm down and talk to them in a peaceful, rational way. But this morning I was a snot to her and just told her to try to make it through the day without an outburst and causing any drama. I spoke out of anger and I am still angry. Probably because I have like a zillion times and yet these events still take place.

Oh well, the quest for perfection continues.

Gratitude

I think that there is a common theme in many of my posts. I appreciate my kids, my life and all that it has offered me. I always want my kids to be grateful. Not just for their "stuff," of which they have much. But, for their life: A family that loves and supports them, the beauty around them, opportunities given them and each other as siblings.

Believe me, I have typical kids - They drive me insane. They fight with each other constantly. they never want to do their chores (or anything above and beyond their chores, should there be a need). We are Not a perfect family and you'll know that by reading posts here about the challenges we have faced. I guess the difference for me is recognizing and holding onto and "going with" all the good that springs up daily, hourly, by the minute.

So, on to gratitude. If you have not read my post on "Positive Action Recognition." And you are looking for ways to show gratitude to your kids, I think that the PAR program is amazing. Please take a minute to read it.

I learned with a puppy that I was training that I got more out of her by rewarding her when she did the things I asked of her than I did for punishing her when she misbehaved. It's the same concept with the kids. Positive brings more positive. Oprah has a saying that I live by and remind everyone around me of "What you focus on grows!" Think about it, if you keep complaining about a bad day, doesn't it always just get worse? Yes, it does. Whatever you give your attention - more of it will come your way - good or bad.

Our family camps A LOT and I would have to say our best family memories are from when we are camping. Even now at 14 and 17 (and my oldest foster daughter at 20) all want to go camping. We went at the end of March through the first week of April and everyone was so excited, even the oldest one took days off of work in order to join us camping for a few days.

While we camp, I will write letters to the kids, while they are out and about playing, I say thoughtful things to them and tell them how much and specifically what I appreciate about them.

Today while searching desperately for something in my office, I found a gratitude letter I wrote when we were camping in November of 2007! I read it and it made me feel so nice. I was also so glad that I had written it down. Who the heck remembers how they were feeling a year and a half ago? So, I am going to share here some of what I wrote to and about my children.

I am thankful for beautiful children that represent all possibilities of life. so much potential and so much in their eyes that gives me dreams of the future. And for their mere existence in my life.

I wrote about my oldest foster daughter:

I am thankful that you have been able to see that life has so much to offer and that you have decided to go after your share of it. That you at some point realized that you deserved it and that the things you dream of are truly possible. I am am thankful for any small part I have played in that.

I wrote about their father.

I am most thankful for a husband who gives of himself in every way to each one of us. In ways I never expected because I never knew a person was capable of so much kindness. He is an example for us all on what it means to love and be loving. I'm not able to put into words all the things he has taught me. There is no way I could thank him enough for the beauty that is the life he has give me.

I wrote about several other things in this gratitude letter, all of which I believe when read by the kids provoked thoughts in them. I hope that it helped them realize what a great father they have (even though they see his grace every day). I think they get a sense of gratitude for their own blessings as they see me appreciate and write down mine.

I believe my showing gratitude helps them be grateful people. I certainly hope it does. I want them to feel the sense of wonderfulness that I feel knowing this is my life, it's full of things and people I love - I am so very lucky!!

I want my kids to feel loved, honored, special, cared for and I want them to recognize and be grateful for all that this life is offering them on their journey.